Lives of War and Blood and Fury and Hate

After Blood of the Zombies failed to inject new life into Wizard Books' second range of Fighting Fantasy gamebooks, there was no new 'official' FF published for around five years. Then Scholastic started publishing the series, and after reissuing several books that had already been republished twice, they brought out a brand new adventure, Ian Livingstone's The Port of Peril.

Port was the first Scholastic FF book I bought, since I already had more than one copy of the books that preceded it. The cover illustration of the Scholastic The Citadel of Chaos did tempt me a little, but when I came across a copy in the local WHSmith and saw how appalling the internal artwork was, I decided it really wasn't worth it. A new book was a different matter, even if it was by Ian Livingstone, whose last two additions to the canon had proved disappointing, so I ordered a copy online.

Once it arrived, I took a brief look at it, but the opening of the adventure failed to grab me with its mixture of rule-contradicting instructions and haggling over uninteresting tat. The book went on the shelf, and I did little or nothing with it until it came up in 2022's 'play all the FF books' challenge at the Fantazine forum. So I finally had a proper go at it, and started to engage with some actual plot, but then my character got bitten by a Zombie and infected with something terminal, and the plot hadn't engaged my interest enough to make me want another go. Eventually last year's similar challenge reached Port, and I had another go at the book, finding the early stages a bit more bearable thanks to the snarky observations I'd made when summarising paragraphs in my gamebook manager. While I did get a little further on my second attempt, poor communication between author and reader resulted in my character's being trapped in a cellar to starve.

I haven't had another go at the book since then, so this will be my third try.

My character is a down-on-his-luck adventurer, unsuccessfully seeking employment in the town of Chalice, and reduced to scavenging for scraps of food. Towards the end of one miserable day, I overhear a conversation between two men on their way out of a tavern, who helpfully address each other by name: Gregor has bought a treasure map from an impoverished old man, but Eryk believes him to have been conned, and convinces him to discard it. As they wend their unsteady way to a different tavern, I help myself to the map, hoping that it is genuine and will provide a means for me to drastically improve my circumstances. But it's a bit late to embark on a new adventure right now, so I find somewhere I can sleep rough in comparative safety and settle down for the night.

I think it's time to roll up my stats. My previous attempts at the book have made me aware that my Luck is liable to come in for quite a bit of Testing early on, and I am well aware of Sir Ian's tendency to throw opponents with high Skill scores at the players, so I think allocating dice might be prudent. This gives me
Skill 11
Stamina 16
Luck 9
That Luck is slightly iffy, but the rules say I start with the standard 10 Provisions and potion (apparently I'm the kind of near-starving hero who carries around more than a week's supply of food and a magical restorative), so if I take the Potion of Fortune I can improve my chances a little more.

Woken at dawn by inconsiderate cockerels, I go rummaging through the oddments discarded by market traders and bodge together a tomato sandwich, which allows me to gain a point of Stamina. Or would if I didn't start the adventure at full Stamina, the rules not permitting me to exceed my Initial score without explicit permission, but I guess that, having (erroneously) concluded that nobody ever plays these books by the rules, the author can't be bothered to follow them either.

I then carry out a quick inventory check, which reveals me to be carrying almost a dozen items in addition to the standard adventuring set-up. The list doesn't include the map on which this adventure hinges, but who can be bothered to remember trivia like that when there are nails and twine to be keeping track of?

Anyway, having determined the precise nature of the clutter I'm carrying, I can get started on my adventure. By which I mean 'chat with the man who's sweeping the road'. He is, at least initially, not in a talkative mood, so to get him to open up I have to offer to trade one of my belongings for something else to eat. I think this might have been the last straw that prompted me to quit reading the book back when I first got it: having started out by getting an unusable boost to my Stamina, I now have to pay for another one in order to unlock what could be an essential interaction. Right now I don't know what will prove indispensable in Port, but acquiring the right odds and ends has been key to success in every previous gamebook by Mr. Livingstone, and it would be just like him to make this rather tiresome encounter the only way to acquire something without which I will later be doomed.

With deep anger and resentment I hand over those nails in return for the ingredients of another unnecessary sandwich. The sweeper then offers me some snake oil, which will apparently protect me from snake bites, if I can give him some twine in return, and following the conclusion of that deal, reveals that he needs a bird-shaped ornament for his wife's imminent Birthday, and is willing to let me have some foul-smelling skunk oil if I can provide him with one. I do happen to be lugging around a brass owl, so I hand it over, wondering if the sweeper got tricked into buying the skunk oil by a dodgy perfume salesman and was at least astute enough to check the contents of the bottle before he could make the mistake of presenting it to his spouse.

By now the market traders have opened up and a crowd is forming, so I hang around, wondering if there's someone here who desperately needs skunk oil and happens to be carrying a useless-to-them key with a number engraved on it. Seemingly not, but I do catch sight of a cutpurse helping herself to a pouch from someone's backpack. I confront her, and she loudly accuses me of trying to rob her. Initially the crowd takes her side, but then the old man from whom she stole confronts her, and the tide of public opinion turns in my favour. Another man (possibly a purveyor of fruit and vegetables who's just discovered that some of his wares have spoiled) orders that she be put in the stocks, and encourages the mob to pelt her with rotten tomatoes.

The old man thanks me for intervening, and reveals that the thief almost got away with a month's earnings. I ask him what his trade is, and he tells me he makes lucky charms. As a reward for my assistance, and for showing some interest in his business, he gives me a little money and an example of his handiwork.

Continuing to look around the market (and being told by the book that I am penniless even though I literally just received some coins), I encounter a card sharp who offers to wager 5 gold pieces against my sword. And this looks like the point at which a wise player will conclude that they've probably got everything they need from this stage of the adventure, and move along before the penalties start getting applied.

The section to which I now turn is the same one as for not talking with the sweeper, so if I hadn't exchanged my nails for that superfluous sandwich, I'd have missed the whole encounter with the thief and the lucky charm manufacturer. There are three possible exits from the market square, and I choose Beggar's Alley.

Unsurprisingly, it's full of people who are even worse off than I am. I hand over some of my recently-acquired coins to the closest beggars, and learn that one of them used to be a jeweller in Port Blacksand. I now have the option of asking him about Gurnard Jaggle... Who? Rechecking the map, I see that the accompanying instructions are signed 'Murgat Shurr', which doesn't help. Have I come this way too soon and missed out on a clue, or is this like the time Ian Livingstone required his readers to ask for a very specific item that had never been mentioned before in the book?

A quick look at the FF wiki's list of errors for this book reveals that 'more likely than not' I won't have heard that name before, implying that there is a path to here on which I would have heard it, so I think I need to pass up the conversational gambit this time,and hope I don't miss out on anything too vital.

Continuing down the alley, I see a barrel in front of a door. Remembering the author's previously displayed tendency to have barrels contain nothing but trouble, I ignore this one, and try knocking on the door. Which leads to my being mistaken for a door-to-door salesman and clobbered with a chair leg.

I got off lightly compared to these salesmen.

Hastily moving on, I reach Lion Street, which is clearly a more prosperous part of town. On one side of the road, a gargoyle-topped wall limits access to a large mansion, while the other side is lined with shops and houses. I think I'm least likely to come to further harm checking out a shop.

The only shop of potential interest that's open is a locksmith's. There I am offered a bunch of random keys for a price that makes me regret not having chosen a path that would net me more money than I've acquired. Looks like I've just failed this book, however long it might take me to actually reach a bad ending.

I still have the option of trying to climb that wall, or I can just leave town. Given the likelihood that my not being able to afford those keys has already doomed me, I figure that I might as well check if the gargoyles are as animated and lethal as I expect them to be. In the unlikely event that their presence is just a bluff, I could discover something worth knowing about for future attempts at the book.

The wall is too high and smooth to climb. Catching sight of a couple of off-duty bakers trudging home, I decide to risk their summoning representatives of local law enforcement, and ask for their assistance. They are amused rather than outraged, and one of them tells me that trespassers in Hog House aren't prosecuted, they're executed. Nevertheless, I persist in seeking help, and the bakers give me a bunk-up before going on their way.

While the gargoyles don't come to life and attack, a couple of guard dogs respond to my unauthorised presence. I could try jumping back down into the street, but I'm going to check and see if this side quest really is just the dead end it's made out to be. Leaping into the mansion's grounds, I land badly, taking Skill and Stamina damage, and the dogs attack one at a time for no logical reason. Despite my impairment, I kill both without taking further damage.

Proceeding to the mansion's front door, I get to choose between ringing the doorbell or trying to open the door. It's a bit late to try and avoid attracting attention, but I make a half-hearted attempt at getting into the house anyway, and find that I cannot open the door. All right, then: time to see if the residents were in urgent need of the services of an itinerant dog-slayer.

I hear footsteps, followed by the sound of a bolt being undone, and a bald-headed butler in mostly traditional garb (but red socks) opens the door and indicates that he wants to know why I'm here. While I could say I'm an out-of-work adventurer seeking employment as a guard, I also have the option of claiming I've been sent to collect a letter. Given that this book was written by a man who once made ringing a random handbell at an undead monstrosity the best course of action, randomly endeavouring to intercept a complete stranger's mail is way too specific an action to pass up.

The butler indicates that deliveries to and from the house are only made by Striders, on Lady Francesca de la Vette's orders, and as I don't resemble a Strider (I guess my arms are too short, thinking back to the primary distinguishing feature of the one Strider encountered in a previous Ian Livingstone book), he threatens to summon the guards.

I could still try asking about a job as a guard, but Lady Francesca probably only employs Ocelot-Men or something similarly nothing-like-me as guards, so I'm going to conclude that if anything of value is to be gained from this whole interlude, it's her name (or possibly the fact that her staff wear red socks), and leave while I still can.

Heading towards the gates that lead out of the grounds, I see a couple of guards patrolling on top of the wall (species not mentioned, so maybe they are human after all), and avoid attracting their attention. There are another two on duty at the gates, but by using the 'I have a perfectly valid reason for being here' saunter, I get close enough to be able to make a bolt for freedom before they think to challenge me. One tries to give chase, but I take to the back streets and lose him before continuing towards the gates leading out of Chalice.

The road leads past a ruined church and its graveyard, and passes scattered dwellings before terminating at the edge of a cornfield. In the distance I see Darkwood Forest, but this is not (yet) an adventure that requires me to go there, so I head around the field in the direction of the 'X' marked on Murgat's map.

Before I've got very far, I hear galloping hooves and the sound of a hunting horn. Previously I've hidden from the approaching rider, but since I'm now using this ill-fated character to test the inadvisability of reckless-seeming choices, I think I'll wait and see who's coming.

The rider wears black robes, and gestures at me to get out of the way. He doesn't slow down at all, so I have to dive aside to avoid being hit, and an Unlucky roll leads to my losing four coins as I hit the ground. An impressive feat, given that I only had one on me, and there's not much point in rolling to determine the type of each dropped coin. Well, I guess I could argue that if the dice were to indicate that I only dropped gold pieces, I should be allowed to retain my lone copper, but this is ludicrous enough as it is.

Pilfering some corn from the field (an action I don't get to choose whether or not to take), I restore the Stamina I lost jumping from the wall, and stash a few cobs in my pack for later. Soon I leave the field behind, and as it's getting late, I start looking for somewhere to shelter. Not far away is a tumbledown cottage which has lost most of its roof. That's where both of my previous attempts at this book have ended, so I down my Potion of Fortune before taking a look inside.

Two Man-Orcs are already sheltering inside the ruin, and attack as soon as I enter. Despite my substantial Skill advantage, I take a couple of wounds in the course of the fight. Searching the bodies and the remains of the cottage, I find an assortment of what could be junk or might serve some useful purpose, including a selection of jars with unprepossessing contents. Still, I'd have to discard items if I wanted more than one jar, which suggests that they might not be completely useless, so I grab the one containing bones.

My search also turns up a trapdoor, partially concealed under an iron stove. I risk moving the stove and unbolting the trapdoor. A smell of decay emanates from below, and I hear dragging footsteps and what could be a death-rattle. Naturally I investigate, and I'm still descending the stairs when the lurking Zombie attempts to bite my ankle. On this occasion it doesn't succeed, and while the subsequent fight is another one in which I get injured by a woefully inferior opponent, the wound isn't game-ending.

As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see graffiti (written in blood) on a couple of the walls - the message 'help me' and an arrow indicating a crack. Then I hear footsteps from above, and now I know that 'stay where you are' means not 'attempt to avoid detection by the new arrival' but 'stand in plain sight of anyone who glances through the open trapdoor and gawp like a moron while they trap you down here', I charge up the steps while I still can.

A third Man-Orc has entered the building, and attacks me. It is no better a fighter than its late companions or the Zombie, so naturally I take another wound before killing it. This one's possessions include an iron trinket in the shape of a pig. Items shaped like animals are often dangerous or lethal in books by Ian Livingstone, but on occasion they can be essential acquisitions, so I'll risk adding this one to my inventory. Then I return to the cellar to check out the crack indicated by the blood arrow.

Stuffed into the crack is a piece of paper, on which is written a message from a miner whose co-workers trapped him in the cellar and abandoned him after he was bitten by a Zombie. In addition to apologising for any attacking he might have done while undead, the author reveals that he hid his belongings under the stairs, so I check and find a bag containing a copper bracelet. This could be a malicious prank played from beyond the grave, but if so, better to find out now than lose a character who had a shot at winning this book.

The bracelet makes me feel weak and numb, but then invigorates me, restoring the Skill I lost earlier and a little of the Stamina damage I've taken in this cottage. That Skill point could be taken as implying that checking out Hog House is indeed part of the optimal route through this book, but given the earlier examples of Stamina gain in defiance of the rules, I'm not convinced that Ian Livingstone put as much thought into it as I have just now.

Remember how I was looking for a place in which to shelter for the night when I came here? If not, don't worry: neither did the author, as the text now has me leave and resume my trek towards the Moonstone Hills.

Okay, my computer just froze, costing me a load of progress in the gamebook manager, and ran into difficulties when restarting because it was attempting to boot from a Monty Python's Flying Circus DVD, so I've had enough shenanigans for one day. I'll post what I've achieved so far, and get back to Port when I'm in a less irritable state.